These are the real gems

Since early 20th century grocery product peddlers Frank Vernon Skiff and Frank P. Ross saw fit to name their venture The Jewel Tea Company, “chosen because in those days anything special was called a ‘jewel,” we thought it appropriate to resurrect suitable jewelry for our other professionals: Golfers=Links; Pugilists=Rings; Detectives=Watches; Criminals=Chains; Shippers=F.O.B.; Horsemen=Studs; Dairymen=Milky Quartz; Dance Hall Performers=Rosy Quartz; Printers=Agates; Novelists=Aventurine; Surgeons=Blood Stone; Baseball Players=Diamonds; Beverage Marketers=Sodalite; Firemen=Dalmatian Stones; Weathermen=Snow Flake Obsidian; Ghost Busters=Jasper; and finally, The Confidence Man=Pyrite, (Fool’s Gold).

A Remarkable Coincidence

The salesman awoke as the Pullman was approaching Chicago. He reached for his shoes, which he had given the porter to be shined, and discovered that one was black and the other was brown. He called the porter’s attention to the mix-up. “You know, sir,” declared the porter, “this is the second time that’s happened to me this morning.”

It’s Better Than Watching Grass Grow

A commercial traveler, having missed the bus, found himself with two hours to spend in Brushville. He approached an ancient porter.

Traveling Man: “Got a picture show here?”

Porter: “Nope.”

Traveling Man: “A pool room or library?”

Porter: “Nope.”

Traveling Man: “Well, how on earth do you amuse yourselves?”

Porter: “We go down to the grocery store in the evenings. They have a new bacon slicer.”